'QUICK EXIT'
Someone may choose to tell you about their experiences of domestic abuse, either in your professional capacity (police officer, nurse, doctor etc.) or because you are their friend or family member. The key thing to remember if someone discloses abuse to you is to stay calm, try not to look shocked, and above all to believe them and be non-judgemental. It is not your place to decide if they are telling the truth or not.
Focus on their safety and that of their children, you can help to find information about specific support agencies and help them with talking about their experiences. You can offer support and reassurance in a non-judgemental and safe environment.
You should never assume that someone else will take care of domestic violence/abuse issues – you may be that person’s first and only contact.
It is not your role to encourage someone to leave their abusive relationship (in fact leaving a relationship is a point of increased risk) or to take any other particular course of action. This could lead to problems – such as increased danger for them and their children. Be aware of your own safety in the situation as well as the person, and make sure you think about where you are and what you say.
In this section you will find:
- 10 things to say to someone who is experiencing domestic violence/abuse
- 10 things to do for someone experiencing domestic violence/abuse
- Information for Professionals to Record
10 things to say to someone who is experiencing domestic violence/abuse
1. You have done the right thing by telling me
2. What is happening to you is not right, it is against the law and it is not your fault - s/he is the one being abusive and s/he can choose to stop.
3. You are not alone - it happens to lots of other people too, lots get away from their abusers and there is help available for you.
4. I will not be telling you what to do - the decisions are yours. I can just let you know some of your options
5. You can come back and talk to me again if you want, no matter what you decide to do now. It's my job to help people in your situation (or I'm your friend - I want to help)
6. At any point, if you decide to leave, even if it is just for a break, you can call the Police, Survive (etc. see specialist services) or me for help to do this. If you leave, it doesn't have to be forever.
7. If you need somewhere safe to go, there are places called refuges where you and your children can go to - they are warm, welcoming and safe and there are staff there whose job it is to make sure you are all safe and to help you decide what you want to do next.
8. Do you need to get checked out by a doctor right now?
9. You can call the Police on 999 if you are being attacked or have been attacked and are still at risk - you have the right to Police help if you are being hurt, no matter who is hurting you.
10. Will you be safe now / for the immediate future? How can I safely contact you, shall we do a safety plan?
10 things to do for someone experiencing domestic violence/abuse
1. Be calm and supportive, tell them that what has happened to them isn't OK, that they don't deserve it and that they aren't alone.
2. Find out if they need medical help now.
3. Ask them what they want and listen to their response - this helps you to offer the most useful information first, responding to what they say.
4. Let them know what you can offer today - make sure that they know that if they want to, you can help to get them away with the children. Even if you can't do this yourself, you can put them in touch with the Police or Survive who can help.
5. Make sure they know that you don't judge them.
6. See if there is a group they would like to join, a course they would like to go on or social events they can join in with – it is important to reduce their level of isolation.
7. Show that your organisation cares about domestic abuse - put up a poster or put leaflets in appropriate places.
8. Find out contact details of your nearest Women's Aid or similar support agency, Police domestic abuse Team etc.
9. Stick to what you say you will do and don't make unrealistic promises.
10. Ensure you keep information safe; make sure it can't be viewed by the abuser on hand held notes or computer screens etc.
Information for Professionals to Record
1. Injuries – record what you can see
2. Dates / times of events and disclosures
3. The victims account of what happened
4. Your perception of events and the risks
5. Conduct a risk assessment
6. Take photographs of injuries and damage to property / house, if this is appropriate and you have the consent of the person to do so