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"Domestic Violence/Abuse is the use, attempt or threat of violence, whether physical, emotional, sexual, psychological or financial, within an intimate and/or family relationship. Domestic Violence/Abuse forms a pattern of coercive and controlling behaviour and may include a range of abusive behaviours, not all of which are in themselves inherently ‘violent'".*
*Domestic Violence/Abuse occurs across society, regardless of age, gender, race, faith, sexuality, class, disability, geography and lifestyle. Research shows that domestic violence/abuse is most commonly experienced by women and perpetrated by men. Domestic violence/abuse can also take place in lesbian, gay, bi-sexual and transgender relationships, and can involve other family members, including children.
The Government definition of domestic violence is:
“Any incident of threatening behaviour, violence or abuse (Psychological, physical, sexual, financial or emotional) between adults who are or have been intimate partners or family members, regardless of gender or sexuality" This includes issues of concern to black and minority ethnic (BME) communities such as forced marriage, female genital mutilation and so called 'honour killings'.
*An adult is any person aged eighteen years and over and family members are defined as mother, father, son, daughter, brother, sister and grandparents whether directly related, in-laws or step family.
The terms ‘domestic violence’ and ‘domestic abuse’, may both be used and it is important to acknowledge they both refer to the same definition and are used interchangeably.
What is domestic abuse?
Domestic violence/abuse usually means violence, abuse, threats or other forms of controlling behaviour from one person to another (this may be their partner, husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, ex partner or between family members including children. It can happen between people who have never lived together and it usually includes ways of controlling the other person or making them feel bad or afraid. There are often warning signs but these can be difficult to spot.
Abuse in these relationships is usually based on a belief that one person has the right to dominate and control the other person. All of the information on these pages is relevant for anyone who is being abused by a partner, ex-partner or family member, no matter what the relationship is.
What might domestic abuse include?
Emotional or mental:
Threatening to hurt you or: your children, your friends, your family or your pets. Controlling parts of your life - where you go, who you see, what you wear. Locking you in your house, in a specific room, or out of the house. Isolating you from your friends and family, humiliating you, making fun of you, playing ‘mind games’ on you, telling you that you are a bad parent. Hurting your children in front of you, making your children treat you badly.
Financial:
Taking money from you and not paying it back, or borrowing money (loans etc) in your name and running up debt. Not allowing you to have your own money or job. Making you account for every penny you spend, not allowing you money for essentials for you or your children e.g. food, clothes, sanitary items, medication, warmth, shelter etc.
Physical:
Hitting you (with their hand or an object), slapping you, pushing you, pulling your hair, kicking you, choking or strangling you, spitting at you, punching you, pushing you down the stairs or into a wall or object, burning you, locking you up, depriving you of food or water.
Sexual:
Forcing you to have sex when you don’t want to, or to do something you don't want to do, doing something sexual that hurts or frightens you, touching you in a sexual way that you don’t want them to, knowingly giving you a sexual transmitted infection/disease, forcing you into prostitution, making sexually inappropriate remarks, making/using pornographic images of you without your consent.